Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Oklahoma Yard Sticks

I received a rather cryptic email from my younger brother who has recently moved back to his native state of Oklahoma and is living in a rural area in the eastern part of the state. He apparently has a considerable amount of yard debris and is looking for help in his beautification plan. His email is as follows:


Be the first in your area to own one of these great collector items. Sales are up so we are showing our gratitude by dropping the price.

Each Oklahoma Yard Stick comes complete with a certificate of authenticity. We know them to be an authentic Oklahoma Yard Stick because we found them in our yard near Calvin, Oklahoma.

Scientists have determined that 1.8 million people in the state of Oklahoma now own at least one of these highly collectable Items, so we expect that you will want to get yours before they are all gone.

I remember my grandmother had a rather large collection. And, imagine our surprise when we visited Graceland recently and noticed that Elvis had a very large collection, as well.

Proper use of your stick is important. You can use it in a multitude of ways…

1. As a measuring device
2. To stir paint
3. Play fetch with your dog or children
4. To beat your drum
5. Or to beat your kids when they misbehave
6. Fire kindling
7. Defend against snake attack
8. Beat around the bushes ( or bush )
9. A unique conversation piece
10. Saw in half for a pair of chopsticks
11. Replace a broken shovel handle (large size required)
12. Tent stake
13. Replace fence post
And many other uses.

Because of Oklahoma state regulations the Oklahoma Yard Sticks cannot be shipped and must be picked up at our location. Don't worry, we will save some for you. We are in the process of manufacturing more sticks as we speak. Quantities do not appear to be limited, but don’t let that deter you from placing an order immediately for several of these highly collectible Oklahoma Yard Sticks. They make great holiday presents for everyone in your family and for your friends. And, for your enemies and especially those who lack in beauty – we are now offering the Ugly Oklahoma Yard Stick – just the thing for that subtle hint.

Because we are so sure you will love your Oklahoma Yard Stick, there will be a no return policy. Ya’ll come get ‘em now, ya hear?

If you'd like your own Oklahoma Yard Stick (or several) send an email to right away and we'll put them aside for you.